


Stuck in a Baby Swing

by Hello_Starlight



Series: Final Fantasy VII Collection [12]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Funny, Kind of a crack fic but is also just a really fun story, Only T rating because of adult lube improperly used, Playgrounds are dangerous, Reader is a mood, Reader is sister of Rufus Shinra, Reader is stuck, Reader is weird, STOP TRYING TO SQUEEZE YOUR FAT ASS INTO BABY SWINGS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23973451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello_Starlight/pseuds/Hello_Starlight
Summary: Oh no."Um...Reno?""What's up?""I'm stuck."
Relationships: Reno & Reader, Reno/Reader, Tseng & Reader, Tseng (Compilation of FFVII)/Reader
Series: Final Fantasy VII Collection [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1189096
Comments: 5
Kudos: 54





	Stuck in a Baby Swing

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of a true story...unfortunately
> 
> -Reader is daughter of President Shinra and also sister of Rufus Shinra 
> 
> -Tseng is literally a fucking nanny 
> 
> -Reno and reader don't like each other they just show their love through sibling-like jabs

Tseng thought it would just be a normal day.

He would wake up, drive to work, do paperwork, watch over the SHINRA siblings, and then go to bed.

But no.

That was not what happened.

You were a chaotic child.

Tseng had first met you when you were just a toddler, at the time he was just barely out of being a teenager.   
You were the sweetest little girl loving to be coddled by anyone who would. The President bought you so many stuffed animals to flood your room with pink and fluff.

You would always run over to Tseng and ask to be picked up by him and only him. Whenever he would sit down you would climb into his lap. It was interesting when he would have to do work, one hand would be wrapped around your waist to keep you stable as he would lean forward.

He assumed you liked to sit in his lap ESPECIALLY when he was busy because you liked his long hair draping around you.

You were an absolute princess but a CHAOTIC one as well.

Tseng more than once had near heart attacks with you. As well as being kind, you were also chaotic. There was no other way to describe you–you weren't a bad kid but you did have bursts of childish energy.

Climbing up anything climbable, reaching for everything your eyes settled on, asking questions CONSTANTLY, running around, oh dear God your energy bursts were horrible.

One of his best memories though was when he had to dress you after you spilled your tomato soup all over your dress. When Tseng had his back turned you ran off completely naked around the entire mansion.

It took a lot of energy to finally snatch you up and carry you back.

At least the good thing about your explosive energy was that as soon as it ended you would crash like a light. As you grew your explosive energy turned mild and instead that's when your chaotic speech began.

"Hey Tseng? If a woman gets pregnant does that mean she's not a vegan?"

"You know reading is just staring at a dead tree and hallucinating."

"Yeetus the fetus!"

"Woeerrmm."

"You know a necrophiliac gangbang could be called? Cracking open a cold one with the boys."

"Do I need to send you to a mental hospital?"

Tseng shook his head, you were a wild one that's for sure. His phone rang knocking him out of his memories. He sighed and placed his pen and paper back down on the desk. Picking up the phone, he frowned when he saw it was Reno.

Whenever Reno called him, that usually meant trouble. Wait, he had assigned the Turk to look after you well you went out for ice cream.

With that realization Tseng quickly flipped open the phone.

"Hello?"

"Yeah...boss...we have an issue..."...

Earlier:

You giggled as you swung high up on the swing. Your legs were pumping enough energy you were horizontal with the ground and the swing set was shaking.

"I need to get one of these!" You called.

"Don't go over now." Reno chuckled.

You allowed your feet to dangle kicking up wood chips below you. The chains of the swing twisted and groaned as you dragged your feet until you had at last come to a stop.

"Hehe that was fun." You turned to Reno with a grin.

He was sitting on the swing beside you allowing his toes to let him swing lightly. You sighed and leaned against the chain, "I wish I could go out more often, but Dad's super strict and Rufus..."

You paused and your eyes became downcast. Reno saw the light in your eyes fade for a second before you wiped it away with a smile, "You know, I love being inside but outside its so much nicer. Sure it's smoggy but at least it's...outside."

"How do you see this shitty weather as being amazing?" Reno scoffed.

"Try being Rapunzel for once! Being locked in her tower with nothing to do but paint and talk to her pets and brush her hair and bake. I've already made like 30 dozens of cupcakes! And it's only been like what? Two weeks."

"Tt, I don't watch that Disney crap. Its too sweet and happy." You glared at the red head and he smirked.

"Jerk. But I'm sure you get the point. It sucks being the president's daughter. So much is expected of you and then your Dad gets over protective after your brother betrays you and next thing you know your locked in a tower for the rest of your life." You groaned dramatically.

Reno shrugged, "Could be worse."

"True."

You eyed the baby swings and a grin came to your face.

"Change of subject–you see those baby swings?" Reno looked to where you were pointing. Adjacent to the children swings were the baby swings so parents could keep eyes on both baby and child.

"Yeah?" He asked curiously.

"Betcha I can slip in there." You said.

"Is that a bet I heard?" Reno questioned.

"Indeed. How much?"

"20 gil, your ass is too fat to sit in there."

"Aww you looked at my ass? Is it cute?" You teased.

"Please, your the president's daughter, I'm making an assumption. If I'm caught looking at your ass I'm dead meat." Reno huffed.

You grinned and hopped off the swing rushing over to the baby swing.

"How am I going to get in here?" You asked yourself.

"Reno, a little help?"

"Nope, a bet is a bet. If you can't get in you forefit and I get my money."

You gave him a look before finding a way how. You placed your foot onto support beam holding the two perpendicular metal bars that held the playset into the ground. Using your dominant hand you grabbed onto the baby swing and pulled it closer to you well the other held onto the lukewarm metal pole.

You tugged on the chain just in case and we're surprised they were rather heavy duty. With a grunt of effort you brought your other foot up and over to hook onto the ledge baby swing. Your other foot nearly slipped off of the support beam when the swing swung but you were able to hold on.

Your thighs did burn at the fact that you were nearly doing a split in the frickin air. You cautiously let your recessive hand let go of the pipe to grab the other chain of the swing.

"C'mon (Name), you're taking forever." Reno called.

"Shut it dip stick! You're just trying to make me lose my focus!" You snapped.

You took a breath in and out through your mouth before swinging the other leg into the swing. You yelped as you felt your heart stop from the swing violenty jerking around from the sudden movement but both your feet were in.

Reno hearing your yelp had flinched and nearly instinctively dashed to your aid. He was able to regain control a few steps later when he saw you were fine.

"I'm in!" You cheered.

"I believe part of the bet was for you to sit down in it." The Turk reminded.

"Yeah, yeah, working on it!"

You wriggled your feet around until you were able to slip a foot through the opening. The next one followed and you held onto the chains as you slowly lowered yourself. At your calves it got sticky but with a bit of pressure you were able to slip them through.

Next was your thighs which given were gonna be the hardest. You had to wiggle your hips and shift around until at last you were able to squeeze your thighs through. The plastic painfully dug into your skin but you were determined to prove Reno wrong.

You pressed your hips down and your butt just barely squeezed in. You heard the plastic crack and become a light shade of grey from the black, but at least held together.

"Hah! Pay up!" You barked.

"Fine, Fine. I'll pay you when you get back home."

You chuckled and started trying to swing but your legs were pinned to much to actually get anywhere.

"Hey Reno? You mind pushing me?"

"Really?" Reno chuckled.

"Yeah! C'mon, please!"

He sighed and rolled his eyes but walked over. He grabbed onto the edge of the swing and pulled back before letting you go. When you came back Reno placed his hand on your back and gave you a good shove.

You squealed and laughed at the ridiculousness of it and Reno couldn't help too remembering how he used to do this when you were little. You were about twelve or so and you had asked he push you on the swing.

Reno was not interested in his babysitting protecting duties but did as you asked and found your giggles of laughter and joy to make the experience just a little better.

A few minutes later you were satisfied and told the Turk you were ready to head home.

"If we get going now you'll have plenty of time to rest up before your training with Rude." He had suggested.

You nodded and grabbed onto the edge of the swing, having to wiggle your thumbs between your hips and the swing. With a little effort you tugged.

And tugged.

And tugged.

Oh no.

"Um...Reno?"

"What's up?" He asked.

"I'm stuck."

Reno snorted before full out cackling as if he heard the funniest joke ever.

"Shut up your fucking jerk! Just help me out!" You blushed.

With a grunted you squirmed and wriggled but you were definitely stuck.

"Don't hurt yourself, doll I got you."

Reno went around behind you and wrapped his arms around your ribs underneath your chest. You leaned back against him causing the swing to tilt back for an easier exit—hopefully.

Reno gave a tug but you didn't move. He did again harder and you just barely moved the slightest centimeter. The red head squeezed you tighter and yanked again allowing an inch to slip out. 

"Ow!" You cried.

"Damn, you are stuck." He hissed.

Reno wrapped his arms around your hips and yanked again but you voiced your pain.

"Ow! Stop! Stop!" He let you go and you hissed.

The upper portion of your hips were free but the rest of you was still stuck good.

"I think my legs swelled." You panicked.

"Fuck." Reno cursed.

He tried pushing your leg up as a different approach but you kept voicing your pain.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"Okay. You're indefinitely stuck."

"Fuck. What are we going to do?" Your gaze whipped around the for-now isolated playground.

If anyone saw you like this you would be a laughing stock.

Oh God you could imagine the newspapers and talk show hosts—President's Daughter Stuck in Baby Swing

"Fuck. Do we have any lubrication?" You asked looking around.

Reno dug through his pockets but he was empty handed except for his wallet, gil, pack of cigarettes, and flask—flask!

"Is there anything in that flask?" You asked with wide eyes.

"It's my alcohol, yo." Reno pouted.

"Reno!" You growled, "This is serious! Do you want Tseng to beat the shit out of you for allowing me to be on the news for something stupid like this?"

"Then don't do stupid things." Reno countered.

"I'm sorry, who's idea was it to make a deal and pressure me to do this?!"

"Live up to your mistakes." Reno smirked.

"Reno!" You shrieked.

"Fine, fine. Waste of good alcohol." He opened the flask and started to dunk it out onto your bare legs.

You were so thankful for wearing shorts this one time. You started to rub it into your legs and the parts of skin that just touched the shorts still hooked.

"Okay, let's try again." You gripped onto the edge of the swing and Reno wrapped around your waist again.

You pushed off the swing and Reno pulled but you were only able to slide out a couple inches before you were nearly screaming bloody murder.

There was red marks and scratches from the skin that was pulled free were open and bleeding down your legs.

"Fuck. Call Tseng, maybe he can get me out? And tell him to buy lubrication." You ordered.

"Why would I call Tseng? He's going to beat my ass about this."

"Reno!" You shrieked before taking a breath, "Just call him. Okay, I'll take the hit for you just... please?"

The Turk nodded and pulled out his phone before speed dialing in Tseng's number. He paused and placed his hands in his pocket casually as you scanned the area for anybody.

You started rocking and pulling again but that only earned further pain more than freedom. You whined and pleadingly looked at Reno.

"Hello?"

"Yeah...boss...we have an issue..."

"...An issue?" Tseng questioned.

"Tell him to get lubricant! Butter, car lube, sex lube! I don't care!" You shouted continuing to wiggle.

"Pardon?"

"Uh...yeah. See we're at the park and uh–(Name) is stuck in a baby swing." Reno blurted.

There was a long mute silence.

Reno gulped knowing he was going to get his ass handed to him.

"How badly?" The Wutai man finally asked with a heavy sigh.

"Badly." Reno answered, "You're our last hope before the fire department."

"We can't have this getting on the news. Give me the address and I'll be there with supplies."

Reno listed the address as you struggled to unclip the seat from the chain but it was firmly locked to prevent injury.

"Dammit."

Reno shut his phone and stuffed it back into his pocket turning back to you.

"Anything?"

"He's on his way." Reno nodded.

"I feel so stupid." You mumbled.

"You look just as stupid."

"Quite being an asshole." You grumbled, your voice cracking.

Reno sighed, "Sorry, I get your upset but I promise we'll get you out. Tseng's got tricks up his sleeve I'm sure."

"Let's hope so."

It took ten long minutes before Tseng arrived. At this point your legs were bruising and numb from lack of blood flow. Tseng walked over with a plastic bag.

He paused when he noticed just how stuck you were.

"Heyyy Tseng." You smiled weakly.

"How did you let this happen?" Tseng asked cool and collect.

Reno didn't know what to say and looked at the ground with a scowl.

"Don't blame him. It was my idea, Tseng." You pleaded.

The man sighed and shook his head, "Teenagers."

"I brought lubrication," Tseng pulled out a box of adult lube from the bag with a disdainful look.

"Joy. Now can you help me out?"

Tseng opened the package and pulled out the bottle. He knelt down and squeezed some onto his fingers before rubbing them against your leg.

You giggled feeling it tickle against your inner thigh, "Sorry it tickles–hehe I feel like a chicken being rubbed down."

Tseng sighed and shook his head.

"Why am I not surprised you did this?" He mumbled.

You shrugged shyly. Tseng wiped his hands together before standing up.

"Get behind her and wrap your arms around under hers." Tseng ordered Reno.

The red head nodded and hurried over behind you. He wrapped his arms under your pits and tilted you back.

Tseng grabbed the swing and ordered Reno to pull. You bit your lip as they both pulled but the lube still left scratches. When Tseng noticed tears in your eyes he stopped and ordered Reno to.

The swing was finally down to your red, bruised, and lightly bleeding thighs but it was becoming increasingly difficult to pull you out. The swing would only go so far back to prevent injury to the child falling out.

"We have to take the swing off the chains." Tseng noticed.

"Please just get this damn swing off of me!" You sobbed.

The Turk examined the large S hooks holding the swing and the chain together. They area where they curved in was pinched tight to not let the loops on the swing slide through. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a leatherman.

"Of course you have one of those." Reno scoffed, "Never know when you'll need to screw in a bolt or stab someone."

Tseng ignored him and pulled out the pliers set. He grabbed onto the inward curl and started to pull the connector apart until he could slip the chain through.

"Grab onto her." Tseng ordered.

Reno nodded and switched places so he was where Tseng was. He reached under your legs and placed his hand on your back picking you up. Tseng fiddled with the other sides hooks until he was able to slip the chain out.

"Hold onto her, I'm going to pull the chain out."

He slipped it out and you yelped feeling yourself drop. Reno shifted to get a better grip. Tseng reached over and did the same to the other one freeing you from the chains but not yet the swing itself.

"Set her down." Tseng guided Reno to lay you down on the wood chips.

Unpleasant, but the needed you laying down to try and get the swing off completely. Tseng rubbed more lubrication on your legs before he and Reno started to pull and shake the swing. You kept your cries of pain to a minimum of grunts and hissing and curses as they finally reached your ankles.

"It's off now." Tseng announced.

You flopped back on the ground starfishing and sighing in relief.

"Nirvana!" You groaned overdramatically.

Tseng smirked and helped you to your feet by lending you a hand. Your thighs were shiny from lubricant and there was still brushing and red bleeding lines but in all you were good.

"Thanks Tseng, you saved my butt from having the embarsment of calling the fire department."

He handed you a handkerchief from his pocket and you used it to wipe off your legs before things could look any worse.

"Just doing my job—and next time don't go climbing into baby swings."

You hummed and nodded before giving him a tight hug, "Thank you!" Tseng was stiff but nodded and pat your head.

"You too Reno." You chuckled.

The red head huffed.

You smirked and hugged him as well but the Turk remained stoic. 

"Let's return home (Name)." Tseng sighed.

"'kay. Oh and Tseng? You mind not telling Dad about this?" You pleaded.

Tseng sighed, "I guess I could let it pass..."...


End file.
